I suppose it’s only fair to detail to my readership (of a Grand Total of 0 People) why I am inflicting myself on them in this way.
It’s simple really, I am an intensely private person and cannot for the life of me bring down the great walls I’ve created around myself to allow anyone in to see the real (and quite possibly ugly) me. So what do I do? I turn to the internet- only the safest place on earth to tell your secrets.
God forbid anyone I know reads this- I would then be obliged to commit harakiri or some other highly effective derivative of well, suicide. On a somewhat related note, yay to the God-references in all of my Grand Total of 2 posts. I am finally finally on my way to…religiousity. My mum would be so proud.
Now, on to the emotional-birthday-suit I am determined to wear or unwear, if we’re about to be anal about the whole issue. Which I am, most times- Anal that is. The crude in me is dying to say something completely inappropriate at this juncture but a Mum & God reference all in one post? & in one day? I think I’ll preserve the good girl image I have going on here.
So, before I let myself evade the real issue as I have been doing for the past, I don’t know, 100 words? Here’s the deal- I am fat. Gasp. The truth is now out there for..0 people to see. I suppose I could have been kinder to myself.
Calling myself “a little on the heavier side” or “plump” or “weight-challenged” or “a food addict” would have been infinitely kinder-
Infinitely kinder and…wildly inaccurate. Oh wow, I just keep ‘em coming. That didn’t hurt at all.
However, in the interest of full-frontal disclosure (Ha. I’m on a roll today. Full-frontal disclosure & emotional birthday suits. Please, stop. You’re embarrasing me. I’m really not all that much of a wit. Really? Okay, if you insist.) I must warn you that underneath all this bluster lies a poor little insecure fat girl, wanting in almost..everything.
I say ‘everything’ because if you didn’t already know- there are 2 categories of fat girls. The first is, no doubt, where the fat takes a backseat to their charming personality, good hair, brilliant complexion and overall attractiveness. Oh and probably good fashion sense too. Now from where I stand, God was pretty much holding his own in that balancing act.
Then of course, He got exhausted or something and fell off that tightrope- only to create fat girls who have pimply skin, good hair day’s of a Grand Total of 1 per year, and of course Thyroid problems on top of the mess that is their hormone system. Yes you’ve guessed it, I add weight to this category. Pun intended because I’m so cool like that. Jyeah.
No, really. I am not as lame as I appear. Whether I am lamer is debatable.
But I digress. The point is, (Yes! there is surprisingly a point) amidst all this word diarrhea, I have decided to become a lighter person ie. physically & mentally. I suppose what I am trying to say is, for the next 3 months while I try to shed the fat and all my emotional hang ups- Tumblr will have to keep me sane and help me through it. So there.
